Super Bowl LXVI - The Locks Consults Mayan Prohecy

The Locks didn't really have to do a lot of work to find how to wager on Super Bowl XLVI.  We all know that there is a well known jinx against Tom Brady so the Patriots fate was really sealed years ago.    But the Locks doesn't like leave much to chance especially for the Big Game.  
During one of my journeys abroad, I came across a shaman who pointed me to the prophecies of the Mayans as a good predictor of contests that are denoted in roman numerals.   The Mayans are the same guys who 1000+ years ago used to roam the same streets that you can find Senor Frog's today.   The Mayans are getting a lot of publicity this year because they've boldly predicted the end of world in 2012.    Based on the shaman's advice I've researched the Mayans predictions for the future.  I actually found one Mayan wood carving, amazingly, in the corner of a rare curio shop called Spencer's Gifts and the prediction is quite interesting, so here's the quote:

In the last year of the world…There shall be a contest on a grid of iron  with a skin of a pig.  This contest shall be in the city of indians between large men from a city that never slumbers against feeble men from a city of beans. 

The feeble men will be led by a man that wears boots of a lady and he will be slaughtered in the contest.  The large men shall win the contest with the tally of 27.  The tally of the feeble men shall be 24.  The chosen ones who shall wager for the large men and few tallys in the city of sin shall also prosper.

I have deeply analyzed these words written in an  Mayan dialect which closely resembles English and have interpreted this to mean that the Giants will cover the spread and also to bet the under.  


So the Locks are: Giants and the under. 


Good Luck! Go New York!  Beat Brady!

Brady in a Downward Spiral....Will Not Win the Super Bowl

Pictures don't lie....Nice Nose Job Tommy Boy!

Tom Brady might have won the battle of the Pious vs the Patriot, Good vs Evil, Jesus vs Satan matchup against Tim Tebow and the Broncos, and then squeaked one out when the Raven's Billy Buckner 'er Cundiff pulled one wide left but Tommy will not win the war.  A Super Bowl victory is out of the question for Brady and Bellichek's Boys.


As we know, Tom Brady is jinxed (click here) and has been since he's hooked up with super-model, Gisele Bundchen.   Let's see since the beginning of 2007, when the Boston Globe first reported  that they were dating....


January 21, 2007....loses to Peyton Manning and the Indianapolis Colts in the AFC Champ game.


February 3, 2008...despite running through the season undefeated and going into the Super Bowl as a 12-point favorite. the Giants D-line rattles Tommy and the G-men win.


September 7, 2008....season opener vs Kansas City, Tommy Boy suffers a season ending knee injury, had has original surgery botched and was riddled with infections in the knee, there were even viable rumours that Tommy had his leg amputated from the knee down. 


April 4, 2009....Brady's wedding to Gisele was marred by gunplay when a couple of Brady's guests started shooting at wedding photogs.  


September 9, 2009....involved in a 2 car accident in the Back Bay in the wee hours of the morning...what was he doing speeding through the Back Bay at such an early hour?? was he drinking? was he returning home from a tryst?  We will never know as the Boston police, of course, sweep details of accident under the rug and blame accident on a poor laborer.


January 10, 2010....throws 3 interceptions in a crushing playoff loss to the Baltimore Ravens


July, 2010...Shows up to training camp with a new nose.  Obvious in the off-season, Brady has had a rhinoplasty and possible other cosmetic procedures including hair implants.

Summer 2010....See pic....'Nuff said------>


November 30, 2010...Uggs, an Australian company that makes furry women's boots, announces that Tom Brady will be their new US spokesperson.


January 16, 2011....despite a 14-2 regular season record, Brady and Patriots lose to the Jets in a Divisional playoff game...Brady is sacked 5 times and tosses an interception.


September 25, 2011....Tom Brady is unable to beat a winning team during the regular season plus can't beat the lowly Bills where TB tosses 4 interceptions.


January 20, 2012...Gisele and Tommy move into a $20mm mansion in Brentwood (L.A.).  TB is criticized by environmentalist because of the footprint of the 20,000 sq ft monstrosity but more importantly he is criticized by dudes worldwide because no grill can be seen in the numerous photos of the crib plus its understood the home doesn't contain a single copy of "Scarface". 


January 22, 2012....Tom Brady beats the Baltimore Ravens to win the AFC Championship game but admits "I sucked pretty bad tonight" and rightly attributes the win to the maligned New England D.


February 5, 2012....Will face the New York Giants in Super Bowl XLVI...a team he has already lost to this year. 


It appears that Tom's career arc has taken a similar stride as another cosmetic surgery junkie, Michael Jackson.   A meteoric rise followed by a slow decline into mediocrity.  I'd equate Brady's 2011 season with Jacko's HIStory album and tour....yeah, I didn't remember that one either.


Good luck G-men!....but then again luck isn't needed as the story is already written and Brady and his Patriots are already doomed.