Umbrellas are for the Vain!

With Hurricane Irene coming and going and dumping buckets of rain and now the remnants of Lee hovering over the region has brought more and more of the wet stuff to New York.  With the rain has come the harsh reminder that New Yorkers don't know how the hell to act with an umbrella. I am unsure if it is pure disregard of other humans or the fact that people honestly don't know how they should walk down a busy street with an umbrella but in NY there is epidemic poor (atrocious) umbrella etiquette.


Umbrella size - Hey PT Barnum...keep the circus tent at home!! --I have seen people strolling down Madison Avenue with literally 6 foot diameter "golf umbrellas" -- I know everyone get these monstrosities gratis - either at their office or at some work outing -- the bank, investment house, accounting firm of your choice's logo cover half these things -- I am thinking these places (including my own company) are doing themselves a disservice because they haven't taught the jackass that sashays down the street with these beach umbrellas the proper way to use them.


Umbrella angle - New Yorkers with an umbrella are like opthalmology surgeons - they can perfectly angle their umbrella so to snag any passerbys eye and keep on moving to scalp their next patient only steps away.  They perfect this when walking under scaffolding...not knowing proper technique while walking under a scaffolding is "put the damn umbrella down".   I've spent some time in Tokyo in the month of June which is the tsuyu rainy season, basically, rains 24/7 for a whole month and with all that rain people have learned to avoid dinging others with their umbrellas as I've never had an issue in Tokyo with an umbrella stay being jammed in my eye.   While those in NY have the ability to gouge out my eye like I was street urchin from Slumdog Millionaire.  Maybe its because NYers in the words of Hova "they act like they forgot how to act."


But maybe really, the problem is mine...as I don't believe in umbrellas....I refuse to use one... rain coat, rain jacket, slicker, yes, umbrella, no.   They are the tool of the devil that is if the devil lived not in a world of fire and brimstone but one of mist, drizzle and torrential downpours.


True story....I had come up from DC to interview for a job in Manhattan my senior year at college and there was a old testaments style deluge but had to walk about 2 blocks to get to my interview from the subway...of course I was sans parisol.  I got to the reception area of the company and I was soaked and unfortunately before I could dry off a bit, I was quickly called into an office for the interview. My thought was that it looked i was unprepared for the rain to the interviewer...unpreparedness not exactly a trait you look for a new employee.   As such the beginning of the interview went like this...


Interviewer: "Hi thanks for coming in to talk to us about the.....Christ almighty you look like you swam here...."


JCC: "Yes thanks for having me in....yes a bit damp out"


Interviewer "oh yeah thanks for coming in talk to us about the opening....damn you are soaked, don't you own an umbrella???"


Now here was my opening to show that indeed I was not unprepared for the rain but that I had moral fortitude.


JCC:  "Actually, I don't own umbrella.   I don't believe in them.   Umbrellas are for the vain!"


The interview continued from there and I believe I received a job offer the next day....

Winners and Losers of Super Bowl XLII

I am sorry Pats fans -- I did know that Plaxico (24-17) and Mercury Morris' (Perfectville population 1) predictions were destiny --- remember my prior post on how humans avoid perfection since the burden is too much to handle. Also the fact that the Bundchen Curse is alive and well.

Lets look at the winners and losers of Super Bowl XLII.

Winner: Giants 17
Loser: Patriots 14
Easy enough....

Winner: David Tyree
Goes from special teamer - to immortality by making the most incredible catch in Super Bowl history - leaping, trapping the ball on your helmet, while being mugged by a perennial all-Pro - simply incredible.
Loser: Tedy Bruschi
Did he get crushed by Brandon Jacobs or what. Time to hang up the cletes and take care of your body - when you have a stroke before age 35 you need to contemplate making some life changes.


Winner: Leo DiCaprio
Who is fooling who -- Brady is a competitor and he realizes that Bundchen is bringing him down -- when he sets her free this spring (or when she realizes that Tom as much as we call him a glamour boy is still a dumb-old American footbal player)- she is apt to run back into the arms of her old flame, Leo --- I dont think that bounce-back relationship will last long but I could imagine Leo wouldn't mind a few weeks of Giselle -- but he will have to lose her before reading new scripts since he has his career to consider.

Loser: Bill Belichek
On what he beleived to be the eve of his coronation into super-Dynasty coach-dom, Spy-Gate reared its ugly head. Do you think Bellichek will lie to Congress (who he may have to face due to an over-zealous Arlen Spector) like the Rocket is about to do?? How arrogant is this guy --- your team scores only 7 points in the first half and your QB is getting beat up and you make zero changes to your game plan. Thought his quick exit to catch his Cape Air flight to Nantucket a bit bush league.

Winner: The guys who took the Giants and the under
Really an easy one in my eyes - win the parlay while making a single bet -- since in my mind if the Giants were going win against the spread it was going to be low scoring game - so really taking the Giants and the under was a single position earning you 4x the $$.
Loser: Tiki Barber
Personally I think Tiki was a Hall of Fame player and really has done some good things for the city but Damn - Tiki looks like the biggest fool for his off-season salvo against Eli and Coughlin - honestly I still think he is right and the Gints next year are lucky if they win 8 games next season - but the guys he knocked came up big in the Big Game.

Winner: Eli Manning
I actually saw ESPN compare Eli with his brother Peyton and they weren't joking. Eli will become more recognized maybe a couple of Modell and PC Richards commericals (read that local) -- Also one big element is that he has won over some of the Big Blue fans who booed and heckled him all season.

Loser: Eli Manning
Is it possible that Eli can match this feat again -- not likely -- he still had the most turnovers of any QB in the league this season and just because he won one game doesn't change his chemistry - Eli is still little Eli - look for him to lead the league in turnovers again next year but with the pressure of higher expectations.

Winner: Jordanna Sparks
When can you win a talent show and then go on the biggest stage there is to offer in the US. Her dad, Phillipi Sparks, who played for the G-men, like Mercury Morris has one of the top 10 names ever in NFL history.

Loser: Barack Obama
Not sure what Mayor Bloomberg was thinking on his timing of the Giants victory parade but to put it on Super Tuesday when NY, NJ and CT were voting might have hurt Obama. Obama has been pulling alot of votes from young males - just the same demographic that hit the streets in lower Manhattan in large #s - maybe Obama lost a in the handful of delegates in the process - which may actually make a difference as that race continues -- but then again how many of those drunken clowns would have actualy voted in the first place.

Winner: Tom Petty
His songs still hit the spot. One of the fortunate benefits of not being that great looking of a guy is that TP doesn't look like he has really aged from his self-titled debut album that came out circa '76.

Loser: The guys who fire the musketts at the Pats games
These guys probably had their whole rifle firing routine down in preparation for what they thought was to be a certainty - the Pats victory parade. Now they have to go back to their gigs working the birch beer shoppe at Sturbridge Village