Tom Brady: The Gisele-Induced Downward Spiral Continues - February 2019 Edition

Brady's 2010 Rhinoplasty is obvious in this before and after photo

It is hard to argue against facts -- Tom Brady is jinxed and has been since he's hooked up with super-model, Gisele Bundchen (aka Ginxele). Brady's famed 29-10 (.744) playoff record doesn't tell the real tale.  With Gisele in tow - Brady had zero (none, nada, zilch) Super Bowl rings and a 10-7 (.588) playoff winning percentage before his tainted "win" of Super Bowl XLIX....Reference point from Brady's comparable playoff success -  Mark Sanchez has a .667 playoff winning percentage as does Broadway Joe Namath.  Even his .744 career mark is surpassed by ordinary QBs - Jeff Hostetler (.800), Trent Dilfer (.833).  But its not only about the lack of true and untainted success on the football field - the series of events and mishaps that have occurred while linked to Gisele is not simply by coincidence.  

Brady is at fault here for his own downslide, as he should have known, that even before meeting the Brazilian 'beauty' - Gisele's cryptonite-esque effect on men was well known.  Leo DiCaprio while dating Gisele was making fluffy-popcorn flicks and panned by movie critics but in the year after Gisele and Leo broke up - he was up for 2 Oscars. Likewise, film actor Chris Evans when with Gisele couldn't even find a job in TV commercials but years removed from Gisele now plays Captain America in some of the highest grossing movies ever.  She also stymied polo player Ricardo Mansur - who only started being the Brazilian King of the Chukkas after he stopped dating Gisele.  Although, Kelly Slater racked up 2 ASP World Tour Surfing championships while dating Gisele - he was possibly quoted "if I kept on dating Gisele - my surfing would have certainly suffered - I'd be renting Bogey boards to bratty kids in New Smyrna Beach right now". She also dated actor Josh Harnett when his movie the Black Dalhia (32% Rotten Tomato score) was released - prophetically - it is a movie about men becoming obsessed and having their lives ruined over a woman - his career still hasn't recovered from his stint with Gisele.

So what has been the impact on Tom Brady - let's see since the beginning of 2007, when the Boston Globe first reported that Brady and Gisele were dating....its been a downward spiral of a deflated career....

January 21, 2007....loses to Peyton Manning and the Indianapolis Colts in the AFC Championship game. 

August 2007.....Brady doing his best Antonio Cromarte impersonation - a cast-off girlfriend gives birth to Brady's son, Jack. Brady's baby momma is actress Bridget Moynihan.  She influences young Jack to grow up to be a Jets fan.

February 2008...despite running through the season undefeated and going into the Super Bowl as a 12-point favorite - the Giants D-line rattles Tommy and the G-men win.  Giant Plaxico Burress predicts score to be a Giant win 23-17.  Brady smugly laughs off the prediction "We're only going to score 17 points?!?" .  Patriots lose 17-14.  T-Boy was sacked 5 times.

September 2008....season opener vs Kansas City, Tommy Boy suffers a season ending knee injury, had has original surgery botched and was riddled with infections in the knee, there were even viable rumours that Tommy had his leg amputated from the knee down.  Patriots even without Brady go on to have a 11-5 record --- begging the question of the Patriots success - is it the Belichick system?

April 4, 2009....Brady's wedding to Ginxele was marred by gunplay when a couple of Brady's guests started shooting at wedding photogs. 

September 9, 2009....involved in a 2 car accident in the Back Bay in the wee hours of the morning...what was he doing speeding through the Back Bay at such an early hour?? was he drinking? was he returning home from a tryst with a college co-ed? We will never know as the Boston police, of course, sweep details of accident under the rug and blame accident on a poor laborer. 

January 10, 2010....throws 3 interceptions in a crushing playoff loss to the Baltimore Ravens  

July 2010...Shows up to training camp with a new nose. Obvious in the off-season, Brady has had rhinoplasty and possible other cosmetic procedures including possible hair implants.  See above.

Weeeeeeeee.......

Summer 2010....See pic....'Nuff said------> 

November 2010...Uggs, an Australian company that makes furry women's boots, announces that Tom Brady will be their new US spokesperson. 

January 16, 2011....despite a 14-2 regular season record, Brady and Patriots lose to the Jets in a Divisional playoff game...Brady is sacked 5 times and tosses an interception. 

March 2011.....Brady attends Carnival in Rio and shows the world that he just can't dance.

September 25, 2011....Tom Brady is unable to beat a winning team during the regular season plus can't beat the lowly Bills where TB tosses 4 interceptions. 

January 20, 2012...Ginxele and Tommy move into a $20mm mansion in Brentwood (L.A.). TB is criticized by environmentalist because of the footprint of the 20,000 sq ft monstrosity but more importantly he is criticized by dudes worldwide because no grill can be seen in the numerous photos of the crib plus its understood the home doesn't contain a single copy of "Scarface". 

January 22, 2012....Tom Brady beats the Baltimore Ravens to win the AFC Championship game but admits "I sucked pretty bad tonight" and rightly attributes the win to the maligned New England D. 


February 5, 2012....Losses to the NY Giants in Super Bowl XVVI 21-17....Brady blames loss on his teammates....Ginxele is quoted as saying "You've to catch the ball when you're supposed to catch the ball. My husband cannot fucking throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time. I can't believe they dropped the ball so many times" Ginxele refers to a play where Wes Welker cannot catch a poorly thrown ball - unknowing that it would have taken the most spectacular snag in NFL history to corral it in. Brady is 2 for 7 and allowed himself to be sacked in the Pats final possession. Also TB throws a 4th quarter interception. 

U Mad Bro?

October 14, 2012....New England is up 20-10 in the 3rd quarter of a game in Seattle vs the Seahawks - Brady taunts Seattle defensive backs and asks them to meet him after the game after the Patriots win.  Brady subsequently throws 2 picks and the Pats lose 24-23.  Seattle Seahawks CB Richard Sherman holds up his side of the bargain and meets Brady after the game and famously asks Brady "U Mad Bro?"

January 20, 2013.....After an up and down season of starting season 3-3 including a loss to the lowly Arizona Cardinals....in the AFC Championship game, Brady throws 2 picks in the 4th quarter eliminating any chance for the Pats to make it to the Super Bowl. 

Brady speeding around with his infant daughter

Summer 2013....New England receivers drop like flies...TE Aaron Hernandez is arrested for murdering at least one person...RB Danny Woodhead and WR Wes Welker are spurned by Pats management....TE Rob Gronkowski addled by shoulder and knee injuries...WR Brandon Lloyd gets cut.....Brady lets his displeasure known but burns off the stress by riding around on an ATV with his infant daughter

January 19, 2014....New England plays Brady's arch-nemises Peyton Manning in the AFC Championship game. Pats are lucky to even be there.  

TB realizes the Ginx is true. 

Patriots season includes squeaking by the Cleveland Browns (4-12) and the Houston Texans (2-14) also the NY Jets in a down season beat the Pats and play them to within 3 points at Gillette.   In the game in Denver, Brady was quite ordinary and his off-touch was apparent in his over-throw (the hand of Ginxele) to Edelman which could have closed the gap vs the Broncos. 

June 13, 2014....Gisele is seen in the arm of former Spain soccer star Carles Puyol during the World Cup in Rio.  Brady goes awol after being miffed by being left off the FIFA VIP list that includes Daniel Craig, LeBron James and Ashton Kutcher.   Tommy, you ain't James Bond nor LeBron....but getting passed over by the guy from Dude, Where's My Car? - you should read as a sign of things to come.
 

Brady senses the end is near

September 29, 2014....After losing to Miami and struggling against the woeful Raiders...it is a Monday Night Football game against Kansas City that acts as a preview for Brady's future....Patriots lose 41-14....Brady throws a pick-6 and then is quickly replaced by rookie Garappolo -  who orchestrates an 81 drive for a touchdown in their next possession.  Boston headline's scream that its the end of the Brady era .

October 16, 2014...The Patriots get help from a referee who moved the Patriots Dont'a Hightower out of an illegal alignment which would have resulted in a 5 yard penalty - instead the Jets are forced to kick a 58 yard field goal that the Patriots block.  In the game Brady after being barely touched by the Jets player takes a dive that would make Gisele's beloved Brazilian soccer team proud.  

Brady's epic flop

January 18, 2015...After the Patriots seal a place in Super Bowl XLIX - they are socked with more controversy as it is discovered that 11 of the 12 balls that the Patriots used during the game were discovered to be deflated by 2psi.   Brady is the focus of the investigation as he had previously publicly stated that he likes deflated balls.  The great Green Bay Packers QB Aaron Rodgers has probably the best indictment on Brady's manhood "There is, if you...have...smaller hands, an advantage to having a flat football" Small hands means small....you and Gisele know the rest.

January 22, 2015...Deflategate causes Brady to fully unravel. In a press conference, Bill Belichick throws Brady under the bus by denying any wrongdoing himself but pointing the press to Brady..."Tom's personal preferences...are something he can talk about in much detail"....Later in the day, Brady holds a press conference where Brady denying culpability and states "I didn't alter the ball in any way" begging the question on if he directed someone to alter the ball. Overall anyone watching the press conference agrees that Brady is lying and trust in him takes a a huge blow.

February 1, 2015....
The Patriots win Super Bowl XLIX but the "victory" is tainted. Not only tainted by the way the Patriots got to the Super Bowl but tainted by fact that the famous Malcolm Butler interception at the goal line is a result of Belichick chicanery. The Seahawks 2nd and goal from the 1yd line and with nearly unstoppable Marshawn Lynch in the backfield - the Patriots defeat is sealed. But Brady and Belichick have one last trick up their sleeves. The Patriots coaching staff appears to steal the Seahawks signals of the slant pass and frantically sent out an extra cornerback (Malcolm Butler) BEFORE Seattle broke the huddle (watch 3:30 to 3:40 in video). Butler already knows the play is coming as he has been tipped off so simply cuts to place where the short pass is designed to go and intercepts the ball. History will recognize this and this Super Bowl victory if not vacated will be asterisked.

January 24, 2016....
Peyton Manning seals a better career playoff record vs Tom Brady by winning the AFC Championship game. Brady is sacked 4 times, throws 2 picks, ends up game with a pitiful 56.4 passer rating.


February 2016
Gisele walks out on the sullen Brady - a kick in the teeth following the loss to Peyton Manning.

August 5, 2016
Brady is no where to be found as Gisele struts her stuff in front of millions of drooling fans
during the opening ceremonies of the Olympic games in Rio.  

September 2016
While Brady is serving his suspension for Deflategate, the Patriots go undefeated.   Belichick to show how much the Patriots actually don't need Brady - trots out a rookie 3rd string QB in a total dismantling and shut-out of what was expected to be a playoff-bound Houston Texans.    Brady is so humiliated and jealous of Jimmy Garappolo that he jets off to Italy and is rumored to contemplate not returning to the US or play football again.

January 2017
Bill Belichick a la Nixon at the Watergate is suspected of using a bungling operative to pull the fire alarm at the Pittsburgh Steelers team hotel at 3am which is a tactic that is a Belichick standby.  Tom Brady gets the benefit of bad officiating to clinch another tainted chance to win the Super Bowl. 

February 2017....

Brady has a horrific first half of Super Bowl LI - pick 6, overthrowing receivers, looking scared in the pocket.  Despite Brady's shaky play, Patriots win the Super Bowl and Brady is jealously miffed as victory is  attributed to Dont'a Hightower.

Summer 2017....Some vaguely or less vaguely think there is more to #TB12's longevity than avocado toast.   Many are suspicious of Alex Guerrero - who Brady calls his "body coach" who has been twice sued for fraud and fined by the Federal Trade Commission. 

December 11, 2017....

Score and stats don't lie as Brady gets completely outplayed by Jay Cutler in a humiliating loss to the lowly Miami Dolphins


December 31, 2017....TB12 perhaps trolls Jets fans for the very last time as it seems he is completely unraveling.

January 5, 2018

Check out the comments

ESPN publishes a true view behind the curtain at the Patriots. The article the true picture of Tom Brady seething with jealousy over Jimmy Garappolo and forcing Belichick to trade the heir-apparent for peanuts.  Also becomes apparent that Belichick as well as the Harvard educated Patriots medical staff is suspect of Brady's 'body coach' and bans him the sidelines and team plane.

January 21, 2018... Gisele appears to give Brady an ultimatum "1 last game only"

February 4, 2018... Brady blows a 33-32 lead in the 4th quarter against the Philadelphia Eagles in Super Bowl LII .  Brady seals fate by fumbling away the ball and the game with 2:16 left.  Losing yet another Super Bowl where the Patriots were favored.

September 9, 2018...New England starts the 2018 season without Julian Edelman who is serving a 4 game PED suspension who spends much of his workouts at TB12 Center.  Begs the question on what supplements Alex Guerrero is giving to Edelman and TB12. 

September 23, 2018....Patriots lose to the same team (Detroit Lions) that the NY Jets had earlier thrashed 48-17 in the season.   Capping a 2 game losing streak.  Brady is atrocious in passing for only 133 yards.  The week earlier Brady is outplayed by Blake Bortles, yes, Blake Bortles in a loss to the lowly Jacksonville Jaguars.

Election Day, 2018....TB12 has no political weight - TB12 endorses Helen Brady (no relation) in the Massachusetts State Auditor election who subsequently gets thumped by candidate Suzanne Bump.   Giselle then tells TB12 not to discuss politics anymore. 

January 20, 2019....In AFC Championship game vs the Chiefs, Brady gets the benefit of a horrible roughing the passer call where defensive lineman Chris Jones brushes TB12's shoulder pad.  Pats end up winning due to that awful call.

January 27, 2019.... Even die-hards Pats fans at a pep rally for the Patriots are embarrassed by Brady's attempt to get a "We're Still Here' Chant started - only to see it fail like a lead balloon. 

Enough already...

So we can rest our case for now....the mishaps and misfortunes (and deflated balls) pile up as it appears that Tom Brady's career arc while being with Gisele has taken a similar stride as another cosmetic surgery junkie, Michael Jackson.  A meteoric rise followed by a slow decline into mediocrity.  At 41 years old, Brady's career is where Jacko's was when he released the HIStory album -- a dud.   The all too-short suspension over Deflategate had given him more time to think about his life at rock-bottom and perhaps his usefulness has come to an end but for now we know the truth around Tom Brady and his cheating and lying ways perhaps driven by the jinxing Gisele.