Umbrellas are for the Vain!

With Hurricane Irene coming and going and dumping buckets of rain and now the remnants of Lee hovering over the region has brought more and more of the wet stuff to New York.  With the rain has come the harsh reminder that New Yorkers don't know how the hell to act with an umbrella. I am unsure if it is pure disregard of other humans or the fact that people honestly don't know how they should walk down a busy street with an umbrella but in NY there is epidemic poor (atrocious) umbrella etiquette.


Umbrella size - Hey PT Barnum...keep the circus tent at home!! --I have seen people strolling down Madison Avenue with literally 6 foot diameter "golf umbrellas" -- I know everyone get these monstrosities gratis - either at their office or at some work outing -- the bank, investment house, accounting firm of your choice's logo cover half these things -- I am thinking these places (including my own company) are doing themselves a disservice because they haven't taught the jackass that sashays down the street with these beach umbrellas the proper way to use them.


Umbrella angle - New Yorkers with an umbrella are like opthalmology surgeons - they can perfectly angle their umbrella so to snag any passerbys eye and keep on moving to scalp their next patient only steps away.  They perfect this when walking under scaffolding...not knowing proper technique while walking under a scaffolding is "put the damn umbrella down".   I've spent some time in Tokyo in the month of June which is the tsuyu rainy season, basically, rains 24/7 for a whole month and with all that rain people have learned to avoid dinging others with their umbrellas as I've never had an issue in Tokyo with an umbrella stay being jammed in my eye.   While those in NY have the ability to gouge out my eye like I was street urchin from Slumdog Millionaire.  Maybe its because NYers in the words of Hova "they act like they forgot how to act."


But maybe really, the problem is mine...as I don't believe in umbrellas....I refuse to use one... rain coat, rain jacket, slicker, yes, umbrella, no.   They are the tool of the devil that is if the devil lived not in a world of fire and brimstone but one of mist, drizzle and torrential downpours.


True story....I had come up from DC to interview for a job in Manhattan my senior year at college and there was a old testaments style deluge but had to walk about 2 blocks to get to my interview from the subway...of course I was sans parisol.  I got to the reception area of the company and I was soaked and unfortunately before I could dry off a bit, I was quickly called into an office for the interview. My thought was that it looked i was unprepared for the rain to the interviewer...unpreparedness not exactly a trait you look for a new employee.   As such the beginning of the interview went like this...


Interviewer: "Hi thanks for coming in to talk to us about the.....Christ almighty you look like you swam here...."


JCC: "Yes thanks for having me in....yes a bit damp out"


Interviewer "oh yeah thanks for coming in talk to us about the opening....damn you are soaked, don't you own an umbrella???"


Now here was my opening to show that indeed I was not unprepared for the rain but that I had moral fortitude.


JCC:  "Actually, I don't own umbrella.   I don't believe in them.   Umbrellas are for the vain!"


The interview continued from there and I believe I received a job offer the next day....